


little lover

by sunsaints



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Drama & Romance, M/M, but it gets better, real sad hours
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-22
Updated: 2018-12-22
Packaged: 2019-09-25 00:29:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,829
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17111000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunsaints/pseuds/sunsaints
Summary: Hayner is eighteen years old and is saving his first kiss for a certain special someone. With a devious grin and happy skip in his walk, he waits.He waits, and waits and waits...Hayner is twenty-nine years old and his certain special someone missed their chance twelve years ago.





	little lover

   **★** ・・・・・・★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★

**|| Let's talk about your hair**

  **& how it's grown**

  **& how we know**

  **we're not getting anywhere ||**

  **★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★**

An empty bottle rolls down the pavement.

Sharp eyes flicker between the discarded drink to the dark figure crouched besides a pile of cardboard boxes. Seifer's slouched posture momentarily straightens when he tilts his head back and offers Hayner another beer.

Thanks to the light posts casting eerie streams of light in their direction, Seifer's eyes glow neon, bright, bright glow-stick neon blue. The scar spiraling down the left side of his nose appears fresh…If Hayner were to fall to his knees, would he come across a blade soaked in blood? And if he were to run the tip of his finger down Seifer's skin, would his hand emerge red?

Seifer smirks and shakes the bottle in the air, "Don't tell me you're done for the night?"

"Not yet." Hayner replies and finally accepts the cold beer.

At first, they both preferred to lean against the alleyway wall. One boot rooted deep in the cracked concrete, the other upheld by crumbling red, brown and white bricks. After his third drink, Seifer had tugged his hoodie over his beanie and hunkered down.

For this, Hayner was thankful.

The moment Seifer lowered his head, Hayner's lungs gave mercy.

Temporarily, he can breath.

One hand cradles cool glass, the other rubs circles against his eyes.

He's exhausted, after **years** apart, it was amazing (mostly frustrating) how Seifer's presence could still set his nerves on fire.

Below him, Seifer lights a cigarette.

In reply, Hayner's throat loops into knots, "You don't smoke."

Seifer chuckles, rough and raspy, "Things change…Chickie."

The once comforting nickname feels cold and unfamiliar.

"Yeah? Whose fault is that?" Hayner spits.

Though his head spins and his body feels like it belongs to someone else, Hayner prefers the ache of his legs over the way his stomach would turn upside down the moment he gives up and joins Seifer on the floor.

_Once was enough, wasn't it?_

Their reunion takes place in an old rundown convenience store.

The spark in Seifer's eyes, the very same one Hayner would hyper focus on when the end of his foam bat would clash against Seifer's bare arm...The curve of his lips, where his smile was sharp, unforgiving and visible through a set of clenched teeth and Hayner's heart would _click, click, click_ in anticipation as he rushed forward and tried to strike his opponent down.

It's all there, on Seifer's face.

Unchanged, untouched.

They stand apart, six feet between them, twelve years since they last saw one another.

At the age of twenty-nine, Hayner is faded paper and Seifer is stars, the ones that twinkle in and out, in and out; His eyes widen in disbelief when he spots Hayner's thin, awkward smile and the nervous jump in his walk as he waves a hand in the air in greeting.

There it is, the shine in Seifer's eyes, blown wide so wide…

Suddenly, Hayner is eighteen again, suddenly, his head spins and every ounce of blood in his unsteady footsteps rushes to his cheeks.

Even though the air in the shop stinks of garlic and salt and the ceiling lights flicker on and off for short periods of time, Seifer stands tall, handsome face darkened by a sheet of shadows. Unbelievable, (honestly, somewhat unfair) no matter the circumstances, Seifer was as captivating as ever while Hayner...Well, now he silently fumed and wished he'd taken the time to dry and comb his hair out after his shower and it wouldn't have killed him to glance at a mirror before he headed out.

There's nothing he can do about it...So his hair is a mess and his outfit was thrown on last second, who cares? Certainly, not him, or so he tells himself when Seifer is picking apart his appearance with an intense look in his eyes.

He doesn't have the right to point any fingers...Hayner's focus darts from Seifer's strong jawline, to the black rings under pale eyelashes, to the way his eyes softened and a smile pulled at his lips...His heart, it melts.

Yes, at first, Hayner stupidly believed nothing had changed between them, but once they exchanged quick words and decided to share a twelve pack of beer in a deserted alleyway, Hayner quickly realized his mistake.

The more Seifer talked, the less Hayner knew him.

"You're saying it's my fault you decided to pack your shit up and get outta town?" Seifer voice is muffled and Hayner can only guess he's talking through a mouthful of smoke.

"You didn't care—" He digs his nails into the plastic label, peels away at it until the glass is completely exposed, "We both know you didn't care."

A spiteful tone, nasty words, they swing from Seifer's open mouth, "I didn't care…? You're fucking with me, right?" Seifer shakes his head and with it the light of his cigarette dances from side to side like a firefly without a pattern, "You haven't changed at all. It's pathetic. Twelve years and you haven't matured one bit...Sad."

Hayner snorts, annoyed and put off by Seifer's condescending attitude, "I've changed. Here and there. But you…" He peeks down at Seifer whose busy flicking ashes into the opening of an empty bottle. Of course, from his position, he can't see his expression but Hayner **knows** Seifer is pissed, he can hear it in the drop of his voice, he can see it in the shape of his tense shoulders, "You've changed **too** much. I'm talking to a stranger."

It's not in the surface…It runs deeper, down to pitch black, to flesh and bone, somewhere Hayner can't reach, Seifer has grown into another person.

"Good." Seifer shoves his hands into the pockets of his hoodie and stands up straight. The cigarette hangs from his lips, bobbing in the air when he lifts his head high and proud and glares down at Hayner, "You're not allowed to know me anymore."

_Ah—_

Hayner's chest echoes loud and empty and then, it collapses. His heart? Trapped under rubble.

"I didn't come back for you."

"I know."

"I didn't think we'd ever see each other again."

"Bullshit." Seifer rolls his eyes, "It's a small town. You knew when you stepped foot in it again we would undeniably cross paths."

Hayner swallows, "Not if I tried to avoid it. I'm only here for the weekend, I'm only here to visit Namine, I'm here because of Olette, Pence and Roxas, I didn't know— I thought…I thought you'd leave Twilight Town too. You wanted more, remember?" His hands are fists, pressed tight to his sides, " **WE** wanted more, remember?"

"You didn't wait for me."

"And you never made your move," Hayner snarls and takes one step forward. Seifer quirks an eyebrow, "You never had the fucking balls to take what you wanted from me."

"You didn’t either." Scuffing the tip of his boot against the wet floor, Seifer shrugged and tossed the half smoked cigarette under the sole of his shoe, "I got tired of chasing after you. Did you really think I'd keep doing all the hard work while you slacked off?"

"IT WASN'T MY FAULT! I WAS TRYING!"

But Seifer isn't having it.

Hayner's left eye twitches and his mouth is set into a permanent pout. Any minute now, Hayner will burst like colorful confetti drenched in fuel and set on fire, he'll go up in sparkling flames and he'll burn Seifer to a crisp. Seifer knows it's right around the corner, he recognizes the tremble in his voice, the dip in his brow, the concentration in his jaw…It's coming, big, heavy and threatening-

But Seifer isn't having **ANY** of it.

Before Hayner falls victim to the vicious pangs of rage hiding behind the brown circle of his eye, Seifer wraps a hand around his throat and pushes into him.

Gently…Because he has the unforgiving heat of the sun trapped under his knuckles and he's only human, you see…? He's only human, so his skin will peel and bubble and fall in chunks under Hayner's blinding fury.

When dealing with Hayner, Seifer has to be careful...He always has been.

For once, the sun doesn't bite back.

Hayner stands completely still.

★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★

Seifer Almasy doesn't smoke.

A well known fact.

"This shit will kill you, it should be written in stone." Seifer Almasy had claimed fourteen years ago when he had caught Roxas, Pence and Hayner bouncing a lit cigarette between each other. A heavy boot had kicked crates and trash bags to the side, plowing his way through a familiar maze the group often used as a more private hang-out spot.

Roxas had argued there was no way anyone would think to look for them in the abandoned mansion. The building was on the verge of caving in, dangerous and off limits to the citizens of Twilight Town…Besides its rotting walls, no one was brave enough to peek inside, not when the infamous tale of a pale girl with buttons for eyes clung to their heads during sleepless nights: _Have you heard of the story? Have you heard of her? Of the girl who crawls on the floor on all fours? Of the girl with no eyes and the spider inside her mouth? They say she has no teeth. Did you see that? She had no teeth. And her skin is water and her hair is lace…The girl with the white dress, did you see her?_

However, a silly, little ghost story wouldn't keep Seifer Almasy at bay.

Hayner knew this, Roxas didn't.

He wasn't surprised when the leader of the Disciplinary Committee forced his way into the empty mansion. No, Hayner wasn't the least bit surprised when Seifer plucked the cigarette from Pence's fingers and flung it over his shoulder. He tipped his head back and laughed, "You losers look so fucking dumb. Try something else, cause drugs ain't your scene."

~~_You see…Do you see? It's a game._ ~~

Hayner runs around town, Seifer chases after him.

They play hide and go seek.

Hayner hides.

Seifer counts to ten.

_Remember…He'll only count to ten._

  **"Zero..."**

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

They're kids, age six or seven, something in between, nothing more, nothing less.

Snot dribbles down Hayner's nose and he wipes it off on the stuffed bear he carries under his shoulder.

Seifer grimaces at the foul display and hugs his toys closer to his chest.

Their mothers promised "If you two can play nice while we get work done, we'll take you out for ice cream. Sound good?"

Two tiny heads bounced up and down as they eagerly agreed to the deal.

Cursed to spend every other weekend with his greatest enemy, Hayner had cried and begged his mom to find another job. Sweetly, she had kissed his nose and scooped him into a hug: _Life isn't that simple honey bear. I know you don't like Seifer, but his mother and I are business partners...I need you to be a good boy and be nice to him. Can you do that for mommy?_

Hayner could play nice…Though he really didn't like the kid. He would rather be with his friends, Olette and Pence or his younger sister, Namine…But here he is, stuck with the worst person in the entire world!

At first, they don't talk, only glare.

Seifer sits on one side of the room, while Hayner claims the other.

When they both think back on this story, neither can remember who broke the silence.

Hayner claims it was him "Even as a kid, I was more mature than you Almasy."

Seifer laughs and rolls his eyes "Pretty sure it was me, I'm less petty than you Chickie."

In the end, it didn't matter who raised their white flag first…

They agreed, what mattered was that it **had** happened.

Together, they build a blanket fort. They fill it with stuffed animals, fluffy pillows and extra blankets. Seifer holds his DS in the air, chubby fingers violently press at every button while Hayner rests his head on his shoulder.

Occasionally, Hayner sneezes into Seifer's shirt and yes, he finds it really gross but he doesn't mind, not when he's busy trying to show off his awesome moves. With a know-it-all kind of tone, he explains the mechanics of Mario Kart to Hayner who miserably fails at the game every time Seifer hands him the device.

They pass the DS back and forward and even though Hayner keeps losing, he likes Seifer's company. He's not that bad…He's actually…Kind of…Nice?

After an hour of explanations and tips that could possibly help Hayner improve, Seifer notes his student is dozing off.

Seifer is far from sleepy! He wants to keep playing with Hayner and so gently, he shakes him awake.

Big droopy brown eyes blink, unfocused and dazed.

"Hey snot face, let's play hide and seek."

Hayner rubs his arm across his face and sits up once Seifer does too, somewhat miffed he no longer had a comfortable shoulder to rest his sleepy head against. He nods and wraps his arms around his knees, "Okay, but I'm gonna win."

"Doubt it…" Seifer smiles and though his two front teeth are missing, he looks extremely confident. "I'll be the seeker so go hide."

As they both make their way out the fort, Hayner gets to his feet and waits for Seifer…

"You only get ten seconds! Don't play dumb and hide quickly. Ready?"

Bouncing in place, Hayner takes off once Seifer covers his eyes and starts counting…

"Zero…"

  **"One..."**

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

In the mansion. Because no one would find them there. No one is reckless enough to hop over the electric fence. No one is stupid (brave) enough to try.

Except Seifer.

If Hayner is on the other side, Seifer will use his bare hands to tear down the gates of hell and everything in his way to get to him.

Perhaps, Hayner should be annoyed by it. They hate each other, don't they?

He hates his stupid beanie, his dumb face, his stupid smirk, his annoying bark of a laugh...

And yet...

Hayner hides.

Seifer counts to ten and finds him.

  **"Two..."**

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

Hayner's loyal companion dies on a sunny Tuesday afternoon.

Hot and boiling rage claws at his insides. The sun should stop shining, it should go cold and sink to the bottom of the ocean. Life should fold in on itself, it should freeze and dissolve into nothing, it should come to an end within a flap of a bird's wing.

When he hides his head beneath pillows and blankets, time skips, it's set on fast forward.

Because the image of Namine bringing him breakfast, the sound of his grandma's voice, Roxas' and Olette's concerned stares and the awkward way Pence bounced from foot to foot, should have stirred him awake... Unfortunately, it's one big, emotionless blur.

Events merge into another, and Hayner sinks deeper into his bed.

If his dog were besides him, if he could feel her cold nose press against his cheek in the mornings, if he could run his fingers through her fur one more time—

Well he'll mourn, he'll cry, he'll rip into his chest and cry again but tears won't fix shit.

Seifer sits at the end of Hayner's bed and repeats the same string of thoughts, "Well you'll mourn and you'll cry and break shit, but that's not bringing her back."

When Hayner flings his sheets to the side and pushes himself off the mattress to shout, "I know that! I know! Let me cry this out!"

Seifer smiles, "Never said you couldn't cry up a storm," Unfazed by Hayner's anger, he presses on, "It's time to pick yourself up though...You can do all the crying, and I'll do all the lifting."

Hayner hides.

Seifer counts to ten and finds him.

  **"Three..."**

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

_Stare. Stare. Stare._

Seifer's stare is bluefire.

This one is easy.

Simple.

If Hayner could work like a clock, turn his arms backwards and rewind time, he would take it upon himself to make this part of the game much more challenging.

In the wave of sweaty and out of breath teenagers, Seifer pushes past the crowd, into the heart of it all, where Hayner thrives and glows. A skinny twig-like kid grinds his crotch against Hayner's exposed thigh. The stranger runs his dainty fingers through the curls and twists of his hair and Hayner, oh Hayner, doesn't mind it one bit because he can feel bluefire igniting his skin— He can almost taste it, the bittersweet flavor of jealousy and here it comes with its overwhelming fragrance, here he comes…

Here comes the seeker, livid and in a violent path of destruction.

Seifer locks arms with Hayner, drags him away from the group of drunken boys and girls and slams him against the nearest wall.

"What the fuck are you doing!?" Seifer growls.

"I **WAS** dancing." Hayner's head lolls to the side, "Am I not allowed to?"

"No. Not with strangers. Not with him." Seifer hisses as his grip grows tighter.

Hayner cringes and wrinkles his nose, "I'm free to do as I please," Followed by a pause and a mischievous glint in his eyes, "Aren't I?"

With a leg locked between Hayner's parted thighs, Seifer presses further in...

Hayner's heart thumps as loud as the music streaming into his ears and into his bloodstream. Breath sweet and hot, his knees tremble when he can almost taste Seifer's tongue against his own…If he leans forward, he'll gift his rival his first kiss, in fact, if Seifer were to look closer, he'd find his name tattooed on Hayner's lips.

Seifer shakes his head and pulls back, tossing one final glare his way.

"Do whatever you want, see if I care."

Rage plunges through Hayner's stomach...and hurt...Hurt...How come Seifer always walks away so easily!?

Goodbye flower petals and shades of pink! Hello blinding anger!

This one was too easy.

Simple.

Hayner hides.

Seifer counts to ten, finds him and orders him to hide again.

   **"Four..."**

 ︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

The earth is stained brown. Amber brown, pretty honey brown.

Yet it's a dirty, ugly color in Hayner's eyes.

After days, weeks, **MONTHS** of endless struggle practice, Hayner thought he was more than ready to face off against Setzer.

The match against Vivi? Easy. 

The match against Rai and Fuu? A piece of cake!

The match against Roxas and Sora? More difficult than Hayner would ever care to admit.

Despite his struggles, he stepped away victorious! Next!

Setzer…The one opponent standing in his way.

If he wanted to struggle against Seifer (which he DESPERATELY did) Hayner would have to take Setzer down first, something he couldn’t seem to accomplish.

Even when his muscles spasm and his insides turn to mush, Hayner keeps swinging, keeps pushing on and doesn't stop until Olette, Pence or Roxas urge him to take a break. Namine puts her studies aside and pleads with him, "Hayner, it's late, let's go home."

Sometimes he listens, most times, he doesn't.

"Dude, there's always next year," Roxas reminds him through a mouthful of ice cream, tongue stained a bright blue when he licks a line down the treat, "Pace yourself, is all."

Roxas doesn't understand. His friends don't understand. His sister tries to understand.

Hayner absolutely **can not** fall short.

Always two steps behind Seifer, he pins his rival's shadow to the bottom of his shoe and through closed fists, follows after. That's how it's always been, that's how their story unfolds and that's what Hayner has grown used to.

When Setzer looms over his head and blocks the sun, Hayner is distraught… For the first time in his struggle career, he can't chase after Seifer, he can't keep up and if Seifer were to find someone else to call a rival, well…Hayner didn't think he could handle it. The thought alone makes his stomach churn with anxiety.

On the arena, where the crowd cheers and Olette, Pence and Roxas loudly chant his name, Hayner's grip tightens and he shoots forward like an arrow through time.

In the flow of it all, he can feel Seifer's gaze, analyzing his every move, taking in his skills, his strategies and filing them away for later use. Hayner didn’t mind it, not one bit since he does the exact same thing every time Seifer dominates the Sandlot. He would never say it out loud, he would absolutely deny it until his lungs turn to stone and he goes blue in the face, only silently, would Hayner acknowledge how glorious Seifer looked covered in sweat, struggle bat in hand as he beat his opponent to the ground.

Hayner swings, pulls all of his strength into one hit only to stagger when Setzer swiftly rolls to the side and slams his struggle bat against Hayner's right side. The blow sends Hayner flying, grunting when a shaky wheeze rips his throat in shreds. Black and white spots swarm his vision as he sinks his nails into the wooden planks, he coughs and splutters and gasps for air.

The boom of a voice rips through the cheers and the chants.

"Hayner! Get up! Stop fucking around!"

_Hayner!! Hayner!!! Hayner!!!!!_

When Seifer says his name it's fireworks, exploding one after the other until Hayner can taste the smoke clinging to the roof of his mouth.

When Seifer says his name…The gears of a clock stop turning and he grins, wide, proud and feral.

He can do this, he can do anything!

He has a purpose, he has a reason, he has a certain special someone he needs to keep up with.

**Focus!**

One second Setzer has the game locked in the palm of his hand, the next, Hayner's bat collides with the back of Setzer's knees. He flings his fist in the air when his opponent topples over and there, across from him, is Seifer, mimicking Hayner's triumphant smile and his contagious excitement.

Somewhere in the distance, his friends joyfully shout his name. Hayner doesn't hear them nor does he try to soak up their words of encouragement. All there is, all there ever will be is Seifer— Seifer Almasy with his huge blue eyes and his sharp smirk and his over confident personality.

Everything else? Unimportant.

It fades away.

Although he doesn't say it, Hayner can hear the cocky tone of Seifer's voice in his head:

Tomorrow, it's you and me Chickie. Try to keep up.

For the span of a breath, Hayner hides.

Seifer doesn't make it past four before he finds him.

**"Five..."**

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

On the night they enter their third year of High School, Sora's brother throws a party.

With a famous reputation to maintain, Vanitas wanted to make sure it was an event nobody would ever forget.

"They'll still be talking about it even when their skin sags and their teeth fall out." Vanitas barks through a rabid dog-like smile.

Hayner and Roxas roll their eyes.

"Got a problem with that?" His smile quickly morphs into a scowl.

Hayner shrugs, lowering his eyes to the cheap alcohol in his plastic cup, "You don't even have the good shit. Lea's parties are way better, his booze ACTUALLY gets you drunk."

"You want to get wasted?" Vanitas lips stretch into a malicious grin, "I can make it happen…BUT-"

Bored with Vanitas' attitude (really, Hayner didn't like the guy and the only reason he agreed to tag along was because Roxas begged him to…The frightening things Hayner did for friendship!) he sighs and begrudgingly played along, "But?"

"You have to do shots with me and if you fall first— Which you will, you'll have to publicly admit that I throw the best parties at our next school assembly."

"Assuming you have a bottle of vodka stored somewhere?"

"I'll snag it from my dad's study." Vanitas says over his shoulder as he disappears down the hall and returns with a bottle, "And fill it with water once we're done."

Hayner's eyes follow the clear liquid as Vanitas stirs the bottle in the air, "It's your ass on the line, not mine, so I'm game."

Besides him, Roxas grunts in disapproval, "Dude…You sure about this?"

Hayner's gaze dances from Roxas concerned expression to Vanitas taunting smirk...Since Hayner can't crush Vanitas' stupid grin underneath the skin of his knuckles, the best next thing is beating Vanitas at his own game.

"If I win you owe me fifty bucks."

For a moment, Vanitas hesitates before he extends a hand out to him, "Deal?"

Hayner's fingers wrap around the exposed palm and shakes it firmly, "Deal!"

Dangerous to play Russian roulette with a loaded gun, even more reckless when his opponent is the devil himself, Hayner knew he would have to be careful. The bullets are glasses filled to the brim with bitter vodka: The first and second ones are easy, though, his burning throat says otherwise. The third one makes his upper lip curl and in response Vanitas chuckles, "Don't hurt yourself nerd." and attempts to intimidate Hayner by downing two shots in a row.

If it works or not, Vanitas will never know since Hayner tips three glasses back in protest.

By their seventh drink, Hayner's head feels heavy, his stomach twists and his face feels tight against the bone. Vanitas isn't looking any better but it doesn't stop him from grabbing onto another glass and although he spills half of it on himself, he drinks what remains.

Hayner laughs, laughs even harder when Vanitas wobbles to the side and falls flat on his face.

Roxas shakes his head and when he tries to reach for the bottle, both drunk boys shout a sharp "No!"

"You guys are not going to finish the whole bottle. You've had enough."

Messy giggles and slurred speech fill the room, Hayner shakes his empty glass at Roxas and shortly after, Vanitas does the same, "Keep 'em comin'!!"

Roxas huffs and crosses his arms, "No. The only reason I'm staying is 'cause you idiots are a danger to each other."

Unfortunately, Roxas attempts weren't enough to keep his friends afloat. Once Vanitas gets his hands on the vodka bottle, he takes one long drink, grits his teeth and hisses before he passes it onto Hayner. Wrapping his hand around the glass, Hayner takes a longer gulp, ignoring the way his insides shriek in pain. When he's done, he licks his lips and pretends like his neck isn't about to snap in two.

They continue passing the bottle between each other and don't stop until Vanitas hand slips and the glass shatters the moment it hits the marble floor. Shocked and startled by the loud noise, they stare at the shards before they burst out in high pitched cackles.

Vanitas opens his mouth to say something but the words are cut short when a stream of puke steers his head towards the ground.

At this point, Hayner is hunched over, clutching his stomach as his chest raises and falls along with short puffs of hysterical laughter. Roxas, who had busied himself with an app on his phone, is now on his knees, struggling to hold Vanitas upwards as he empties his stomach on the floor.

Oh, his world is mess of lights and colors. They mesh and expand before his eyes as his brain spins in circles. He feels light, so, so light he might just fall apart and explode into a cloud of feathers. He's convinced his eyeballs have turned inside out because everything is blurry, misshaped. His hands and mouth are too big for his body, his nose is too small, the silliness of it all makes him squint and snicker.

Stumbling, Hayner grips onto the table and through shaky croaks, pushes himself up on his feet. Behind him, Roxas sternly shouts (orders him to sit his ass back down) but all Hayner can focus on is the soothing bass and drums in the other room where his classmates and friends have their hands in the air and mimic pendulums when their bodies sway forward…Backwards…Forward…Much like the movements of his intoxicated limbs.

He doesn't make it far though.

Before he's able to join the party, before he's allowed to hand his head over to the music and welcome it into his open soul, a gentle touch clutches at his waist. Strong arms scoop him up, yes, he's a lifeless puppet and he erupts into giggles when his feet dangle in the air.

"You're such a fucking handful Wuss. Always making me worry. Fucking bastard..."

Hayner's arms loop around Seifer's neck, his thighs are pressed to Seifer's exposed tummy as he's hauled into a piggyback ride.

Warmth soaks through and through and when it meets veins and bone, Hayner mewls and rubs his face against the soft material of Seifer's hoodie. Though his fingers tremble, he runs them down Seifer's throat, traces the outline of his collar bones and the dip between it all where he finds a fast-paced pulse.

What is Seifer all worked up over? Can't he tell this is a fucking party!? He's supposed to relax! Have fun!

"Don't you dare throw up on me Fucker or I'll drop you on your head." Seifer grumbles.

The urge to protest is lodged within the depths of his vocal chords and maybe if he did open his mouth Hayner could form a coherent argument, but he's tired, and when Seifer speaks, Hayner can feel the strength of his voice vibrate down the length of his chest...It calms him down.

_I didn't ask you to come! Who told you anyway!? Vanitas said you weren't invited so why are you here! Why are you everywhere I go? Are you stalking me? Is that it? You creep!_

~~_Thank you._ ~~

_How do you always find me?_

~~_I really needed you tonight._ ~~

_How?_

~~_And if you weren't here then I would've stayed lost. Thank you for taking care of me, Seifer._ ~~

He doesn't argue, not tonight.

Instead his eyes fall close as his mouth, nose, eyes and ears are filled to the brim with Seifer.

God, he fucking adores it.

Hayner hides…

As always, Seifer counts to ten and finds him.

  **"Six...** "

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

☆━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━☆

**Seifer || 10:32 a.m.**

You're skipping? Again!? Why? You won't graduate if you keep this shit up Lamer.

☆━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━☆

**Hayner || 10:34 a.m.**

how did you get my number :/ grossssssssssss delete it you buttface

☆━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━☆

**Seifer || 10:34 a.m.**

Olette handed it over. She said she was having trouble getting you out of bed and didn't know what else to do. Poor Barbie. She shouldn't have to stress herself out like this.

☆━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━☆

**Hayner || 10:40 a.m.**

my best friend plotting with the enemy? sound fake, sides, i ain't asking her or you to do shit

☆━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━☆

**Seifer || 10:41 a.m.**

She's worried. Is there a reason why you're not coming to school?

☆━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━☆

**Hayner || 10:45 a.m.**

is there a reason why you're texting in class ://///

☆━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━☆

**Seifer || 10:45 a.m.**

Free period. Now answer my question.

☆━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━☆

**Hayner || 10:46 a.m.**

you're such a goody-two shoes. not such a big bad rebel in school huh?

☆━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━☆

**Seifer || 10:47 a.m.**

I know how to pick my fights. An education will get me where I want to be. Strength doesn't equal stupidity.

☆━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━☆

**Hayner || 10: 47 a.m.**

imagine what would happen if the gangs who wanna see you dead knew you're a good little boy who does his homework and stays for after school activities...

☆━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━☆

**Hayner || 10:48 a.m.**

they'd see you ain't shit and just like that you'd lose your power

☆━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━☆

**Seifer || 10:49 a.m.**

You're so fucking dumb it mentally and physically hurts me.

☆━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━☆

**Seifer|| 10:50 a.m.**

They WOULD STILL be scared of me. I'd make sure of it and the number of times I've broken every bone in their bodies would serve as a reminder.

☆━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━☆

**Seifer || 1:42 p.m.**

Wuss don't leave me on fucking read.

☆━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━☆

**Hayner || 2:26 p.m.**

fuck off! why do you care????????????????????

☆━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━☆

**Seifer || 2:27 p.m.**

I don't. Tell me anyway.

☆━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━☆

**Hayner || 2:28 p.m.**

it’s cuz i'm tired of seeing your ugly face in the hallways and your beanie is D U M B

☆━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━☆

**Seifer || 2:29 p.m.**

Then take the long way around idiot. There's ways to avoid seeing me but we both know that's not what's going down. Stop fucking with me and spill it.

☆━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━☆

**Hayner || 2:30 p.m.**

MAKE ME YOU ASSHOLE!

☆━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━☆

**Seifer || 2:30 p.m.**

Oh believe me, I'm about to cut school short and haunt you down so I can knock some sense into you!

☆━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━☆

**Hayner || 2:31 p.m.**

fucking hypocreite! you know where to find me! i ain't hiding!

☆━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━☆

**Seifer || 2:31 p.m.**

Hypocrite**. See. if you bothered showing up to class, you'd know how to spell it.

☆━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━☆

**Seifer || 2:32 p.m.**

Look, just tell me what's wrong and I'll leave you alone. Your friends are worried sick.

☆━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━☆

**Hayner || 2:40 p.m.**

almasy the saint! the world is fucking blessed! the world falls to its knees and thanks you almasy the saint! thank you for ending world hunger MR. ALMASY THE FUCKING SAINT!

☆━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━☆

**Seifer || 2:41 p.m.**

You're being a dick.

☆━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━☆

**Hayner || 2:42 p.m.**

would you say...i'm being an almasy?

☆━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━☆

**Seifer || 2:42 p.m**

Unlike you I don’t make my best friends worry. I'm honest when shit is bothering me. So the answer is No. You're playing the classic Hayner.

☆━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━☆

**Hayner || 2:43 p.m.**

brag. brag. brag. what do you want? a fucking medal?

☆━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━☆

**Seifer || 2:44 p.m.**

Hayner.

☆━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━☆

**Hayner || 2:45 p.m.**

shit, fine!

☆━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━☆

**Hayner || 2:46 p.m.**

you lied to me

☆━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━☆

**Seifer || 2:47 p.m.**

When the fuck did I lie?

☆━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━☆

**Hayner || 2:49 p.m.**

you told me you weren't going to prom but suddenly i hear you're taking some random chick who i share like every fucking class with her and all she talks about is you and all the things you're going to do with her! she won't fucking shut up about it! it's annoying af

☆━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━☆

**Seifer || 2:50 p.m.**

And this is an issue, why? Do you have the hots for her or something?

☆━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━☆

**Hayner || 2:51 p.m.**

oh my god you dense fuck, how the fuck are you valedictorian of our year, fuck you fuck you FUCK YOU

☆━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━☆

[ _Hayner changed **Seifer** contact name to **stupid fucking shithead**_ ]

☆━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━☆

**stupid fucking shithead || 2:52 p.m.**

Very funny. Change it back Fucker.

☆━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━☆

**stupid fucking shithead || 2:53 p.m.**

And if you must know, the only reason why I'm attending prom is because I'm a member of the student council, and so is she. She needed a prom date, she asked me, and I figured why not. If I'm obligated to go, might as well lend her a hand.

☆━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━☆

**stupid fucking shithead || 2:54 p.m.**

Don't tell me you wanted me to ask YOU to prom? Is that what's got your panties in a twist Chickie?

☆━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━☆

**Hayner || 2:54 p.m.**

eat shit :))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

☆━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━☆

_[Hayner changed **stupid fucking shithead** contact name to **stupid fucking shithead asslicker x2** ]_

☆━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━☆

**stupid fucking shithead asslicker x2 || 2:55 p.m.**

That's it. I'm coming over and I'll change it back myself you immature bastard!

☆━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━☆

**Hayner || 2:56 p.m.**

ooooooo im so scared! come on over, like i said, i ain't hiding!

☆━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━☆

Hayner doesn't hide.

He doesn't hide his anger, his hurt, and his fists.

Seifer counts to ten and wishes he hadn't found him.

**"Seven..."**

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

"What if I regret this?" Hayner's voice is small.

Seifer frowns.

Hayner is a thunder of noise, always bright, confident and blinding. Seeing him waver makes Seifer's heart dissolve in his chest.

There's a big black cloud in the sky, it swallows the sun whole but even through the thick mist, little pools of light fill the air. Hayner, Seifer's luminous ball of fire, refuses to go out completely. Currently, he's struggling, but he won't be down for long, they both know this.

Seifer shoves his homework into his textbook and gently closes it as he leans forward in his chair to place his chin on his hand, "What if you don't?"

"And if I don't get accepted?" Nervously, Hayner glances around the empty library, eyes skipping from the rows of books, to the tables surrounding them, finally focusing on the screen of his laptop.

"Try it. What do you have to lose? Millions of kids would kill for an opportunity like this."

Hayner glares at the application, the university's name glows a neon orange when he angrily squints, "I have **TOO MUCH** to lose…It's a thousand miles away from Twilight Town."

"So? You can call and text your friends." Seifer looks away from Hayner's conflicted expression, "No big deal."

"It **IS** a big deal," Hayner hisses, suddenly turning his glare onto Seifer, "What does this mean for-"

~~_Us…What will happen to us?_ ~~

"Hmm?" Seifer raises an eyebrow, "What's your problem? It's the chance of a lifetime pipsqueak. Take it. This university scouted you for a reason, right?"

Hayner shakes his head, "That's not it…I…Won't you care? I mean, don't you care at all?"

"Should I be jealous 'cause you got into a better school than me?"

"That's not it…" Hayner bites his lip, "I-" he sighs and runs a hand through his hair, "You know what? You're right. Fuck it."

Without thinking of it again, Hayner submits his application, closes his laptop and shoves it into his backpack. He slings the bag over his shoulder and gets to his feet, mutters out a short and rough, "Thanks for the help."

Seifer can't bring himself to look at Hayner, he knows what he'll find, he knows the sun has gone out and he'll feel the cold, he'll feel it harsh and unforgiving against his cheeks and lips. When it erupts, it'll hurt, his arms and fingers will grow brittle, snap and turn to ash under Hayner's irritation.

He shrugs and takes his time placing his own belongings into his bag, "No problem. As class representative it's my job to help students with their college applications."

And even though Seifer isn't making eye contact, for the few moments Hayner stands in place, he can feel burning infernos leaking off Hayner's skin, it drips from his teeth, from his nose and eyes like bright yellow candle wax…

Hayner doesn't say anything else.

He doesn't have to.

~~_They're playing hide and seek, remember?_ ~~

Hayner hides.

Seifer counts to ten, and though he has trouble finding him this time around, he does run into him again.

He always does.

  **"Eight..."**

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

_Please, please kiss me, please._

Hayner is on his back, pinned to the bed.

Seifer's lips feel soft and warm against his face.

If he were to turn his head, Hayner would be able to steal a kiss— His first kiss! _No, no, no,_ he isn't the type to linger on the cheesy, sappy details gravitating around romance, but Seifer! _Seifer!_ Seifer makes his tummy warm, he makes his fingers and nose tingle with excitement, and maybe, just maybe he can feel the flap of a butterfly's wing deep, deep inside his stomach.

Timid? A word Hayner is unfamiliar with. All he knows is how to cut in line, how to leap and run forward, how to shatter and break walls with brute force alone. However, at this very second, Hayner is timid. For the first time in his life, he thinks about the consequences and though Seifer hasn't spoken a word, by the look in his eyes, Hayner can tell he's evaluating their current situation.

Weighing the pros and the cons.

It's weird. Seifer is as reckless and unpredictable as Hayner. If they want something, they take it, no rules attached. There can’t be any second thoughts when there wasn't a first to begin with.

Fueled by pure greed and desire, Hayner wants Seifer and he has a feeling Seifer wants him too.

He _thinks_ , they work well together. Sure, at times, their opinions clash and despite how stubborn they both tend to be, Hayner really _thinks_ they have potential.

If Seifer takes one step forward, Hayner jumps three steps ahead and if Hayner falls behind, Seifer pauses and waits for him to catch up.

Hayner is convinced Seifer is his future.

But…Seifer is hesitating, he's having second thoughts and all Hayner wants to do is ask: _Why?_

They first meet in a playground. Six years old, with a mouth full of gum and his pockets heavy with rocks, Hayner marched up and down the sandbox. He's a foot shorter than all the other kids in his grade and yet they're on their knees, tiny hands packed with twigs and fistfuls of sand as Hayner barks orders over their heads.

They're on a mission!

They'll build the biggest sand castle the world ever did see and Hayner has all the blueprints! Where? In his head of course!

With an imaginary crown of gold mounted on his head, his classmates didn't question why he was the one in charge. They didn't mind, really, Hayner was bright! Surely, he would lead them down the right path.

Nobody questioned Hayner's authority until the new transfer student arrived.

The moment Hayner opened his mouth to give out orders, Seifer stepped in with an idea of his own.

Perhaps, if Seifer hadn't shoved Hayner to the side with the high claim his plans were better than **ANYTHING** Hayner had ever thought of…Maybe, just maybe…Hayner wouldn't have pounced upwards and thrown a quick punch against Seifer's tummy.

Toppling to the floor, the pair roll through the sand. Hayner has two fingers up Seifer's nose, the rest tug at the short strands of blonde hair, while Seifer sinks his nails into the back of Hayner's arms and attempts to kick him off with the jerk of his knee. It doesn't work in his favor…The more Seifer fights back, the more aggressive Hayner becomes.

By the time their teachers step in, Hayner leaves the fight with three bite marks and five bright, red scratches on his hands and face, but in his opinion? Seifer looks much, much worse with his black eye and bruised nose and missing tooth. (Seifer later states the following: Hayner did NOT knock it out! It was on the verge of falling! It was a baby tooth for god's sake! Hayner pokes his tongue out and calls him a sore loser.)

Natural born leaders, this is where their rivalry starts.

Hayner doesn't know where it ends, maybe it never will, but he does know he **WANTS** to stay by Seifer's side, grow together, mature together and solve their problems and differences together. Honestly, he doesn't want their rivalry to end, he wants to keep competing against Seifer, he wants to be the reason why Seifer improves and he wants Seifer to help him reach his goals through competitive strides.

So what if it's complicated? So what if it takes patience and dedication? Their blood boils and their hearts accelerate when they're faced with a new challenge. He thinks— No. Hayner **KNOWS** they can make it work.

Optimistic and ready to burst with hope, Hayner wants to hook his fingers through Seifer's belt-loops and drag him closer. Seal the deal with a kiss— His first kiss! The one he's been saving for Seifer!

_Hayner's special someone..._

Because the ghost of Seifer's breath sits heavy against Hayner's upper lip. His touch and his smell, intoxicating and addictive…If he were to lean in one inch more or less…

_Kiss me…Please._

Above him, Seifer stirs and bumps his forehead against Hayner's. From this angle, Hayner has a perfect view of long, pale eyelashes, the scar between dazzling cobalt eyes, and the worried lines framing his brows…

"I should go."

If Hayner's head wasn't lost in the plush of a pillow, if he could shake it from side to side without breaking Seifer's nose, he would…

"No. Don't go…Where the fuck do you have to be at one a.m.?"

"Home. In my own bed. Not in yours."

Seifer pulls away, Hayner pouts and wraps his arms further around his waist and tries to drag him down again.

"Hayner." There's a sharp edge in his voice, a warning and something else Hayner couldn't pick apart.

"What are you so scared of!?" He demands to know.

Scoffing, Seifer holds still although Hayner can feel him slipping through his fingers by the second, "I'm not scared. Fear isn't what's stopping me."

"Then what is!?"

"Forget it." Rolling his body away from Hayner, Seifer sits on the edge of the bed, "This wasn't supposed to happen. I came over so we could study for finals and—"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever, just get out." There's a painful burn lurking in the corners of his eyes, all Hayner wants to do is curl up and hide underneath his blankets but in order to do that he needs Seifer to leave his room.

It seems, Seifer isn't done yet.

"You're really going to throw a fit over this?"

"How can I not!" Hayner spat as he pushed away from his bed, pushed past Seifer in order to pace the small carpeted area, "We've been dancing around it for years! We're graduating in a few weeks! I thought we'd be over this shit already!"

"It's not so simple—"

"It really is though! The problem is you fucking love making shit complicated!"

"Chickie-"

"Not right now Almasy!" Hayner snarls, complexion baffled as he drives his fists into his hair, "I'm so sick of the secret pet-names! Of the longing glances! Of this…Fucked up relationship! What are we? Rivals? Friends? Secret lovers? Or am I simply a toy you'll fuck around with 'till you get bored? Is there some chick or dude on the side? What the fuck is it Seifer!?"

"It's no fucking secret, you know that. Our friends and parents know we have something going on—Shit, my siblings won't stop asking about you! So don't relay on fake accusations." Seifer closed his eyes, pinched the bridge of his nose and tried to breath out his own anger. If Hayner couldn't keep a cool head, then it was HIS responsibility to do so, "There's nobody else…But you know this too."

"Then what fucking is it Almasy!? If I'm too stupid to figure it out, tell me why we haven't made it official yet!?" The crack in Hayner's voice is more powerful and painful than the aggravation coating his words, "Tell me now or I swear to you, I'll throw the idea of us in the trash."

It's not an empty threat, Seifer can see how serious Hayner is, how tired and worn out the sun has become…

Seifer's little sunshine, he flickers.

"I can't keep you here Hayner. You have bigger things in mind, don't you?"

The truth rips through Hayner's rage, cutting away at the thorns until he's left exposed and vulnerable. His shield of curses and ear piercing screams is gone and now he's facing Seifer's hurt without anything to hide behind.

"I do…I'm going places." Softly, he speaks, softly, "But you're coming with me."

"No. I'm not," Seifer bitterly laughs, "My place is here in Twilight Town. My dreams and goals start here, in this city."

Hayner frowns, "We can keep in touch. We can text and call every day." 

"That's not us. We don't work that way, you know that."

"Seifer—" Hayner chokes back the knot in his throat and tries to sound calm and composed, "I'll stay here. I can enroll in the same university as you, Pence and Roxas will be there too. And it means I won't have to leave you or Namine or 'Lette behind so—"

"Hayner." The stern and hard pitch of Seifer's tone makes his blood run cold, "You're going to the university of YOUR dreams. You made it in and I will not let you toss it aside because of me and I'm more than certain your friends would agree with me too."

"I can visit! I can come back when I'm on break! I won't be too busy for you Seifer, I CAN and I WILL make time for calls and texts." He hates it, he absolutely hates hearing his own voice unravel and plead for any type of safety net. He begs and begs and begs and, Hayner's chest hurts each time Seifer replies with a firm, "No."

"We're signing up for something we both know will blow up in our faces. I won’t have any part in it."

"Then leave! No one is forcing you to stay!"

"You're not listening to me!"

"I am! I really fucking am! I keep suggesting things we can do to work around the problem, I've given you **EVERY POSSIBLE SOLUTION** but you're not listening to **ME!** " Hayner lashes out, fists knitting through Seifer's shirt, "If you're not working with me then you're against me! Get Out! **Now!** "

Closing his fingers around Hayner's wrists, he roughly pushes him aside, winces when Hayner looses his footing and stumbles onto the floor.

"Hayner-"

No attempt to get up is made. With his head bowed and hidden from Seifer's view, Hayner wants to spill over the brim, he wants to fall apart and drown the room in bitter tears.

But Hayner doesn't cry. Not over stupid shit he's not allowed to fix.

This isn't his fault, it's Seifer's.

A tiny voice scratches and throttles in the back of his head: _Seifer is right, he's right. The distance will destroy you, it'll destroy him. You'll ruin the friendship, you'll ruin each other._

If it weren't for Seifer's hands holding him down, if it weren't for the nights Seifer held him tight in his comforting embrace, if it wasn't for the sound of his voice, the warmth of his presence, the shake of his breath vibrating off the back of Hayner's neck, Hayner would've screamed and torn himself apart. He **needed** the physical reassurance because through texts, Seifer was nothing more but a wall of make-believe and empty promises.

He can't help but wonder, if their game of hide and seek had ended years earlier, would they be stable enough to go long distance? Did their competitive tendencies get in the way of their happy ending? Was that it?

~~_Ten seconds too long…It was too much time spent hiding._ ~~

The urge to ask Seifer for an answer boils in his mouth, but he can't, if he speaks now, he will come undone and Seifer will see how miserable he truly is.

Before it can take shape, he needs Seifer to leave.

**"Get out! Get out! Leave me alone!"**

Hayner hides.

Seifer counts to ten, tries to find him and fails miserably.

  **"Nine..."**

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

"You better call me the moment the plane lands, got it!?" Olette instructs as she drove her face further into Hayner's jacket.

Hayner smiles and hugs his friend tighter, "I promise I will."

Roxas and Hayner exchange knowing looks before Pence helps Roxas pry a crying Olette from a weary Hayner.

She blew her nose into the pile of napkins held tightly in her grip, "I'm sorry, I'll just miss you **so much**." 

Hayner rubs her shaking shoulders in an attempt to comfort her, "I'll miss you too 'Lette, but we can still call and text! And I'll visit lots and lots!"

The girl sniffles, "You better!"

Truth be told, Hayner was near tears himself. He was petrified, he didn't know what laid ahead, he didn't know if he would be able to make any friends or if he would fit in at all! Beyond nervous and intimidated by the unfamiliar situation, Hayner wanted to run back home, crawl into bed and pretend his life wasn't about to drastically change.

While the thought of leaving his best friends behind was currently tormenting him, Hayner couldn’t deny the spark of excitement dwelling in his chest, it was there, ready to expand and consume every inch of his burning soul!

Fears aside, Hayner was absolutely certain once he embraced the new environment he would (as always) take life by the horns.

Change can be scary, it really can, but Hayner wasn't about to fall to his knees and bow his head to it. No way! 

Next, Roxas hugs him, followed by Pence. Their words are brief. Hayner can tell Roxas is fighting back tears and if he weren't struggling to choke back his own, Hayner would've teased Roxas and called him a baby. Pence on the other hand was as chipper as ever, but Hayner knew, once he was on the plane, his friend would spam his phone with hundreds of sappy messages.

Once their goodbyes were said and his flight number is announced through the busy airport, Hayner shifts his weight from foot to foot and peers over Pence, Olette and Roxas.

Olette glances over her shoulder, Roxas and Pence do the same and slowly turn back, one by one, to face Hayner's frustration.

Twiddling her fingers together, Olette's big teary eyes lock with Hayner's "He said…He said he would try to make it."

Roxas annoyance cuts through her soft voice, "He's a dick. You don't need him man. You can do _soooo_ much better."

With a sympathetic smile, Pence speaks up, "Maybe he got caught up in traffic. It was real bad when we were trying to make it in."

"You _could_ wait a little longer…" Olette says, once again, glancing back at the entrance.

"No. Roxas is right. **Fuck him.** " Dismissing the situation with a wave of his hand, Hayner met concerned expressions with a cheerful smile, "I didn't expect him to show up. Can't be disappointed if I never had high hopes, right?"

A lie.

One little, innocent lie.

The previous night, Namine had sobbed, she cried and cried until her eyes were rimmed red and swollen. Hayner held his twin sister close to his chest and gently rubbed her back. For a week straight they did nothing but share the same couch, her head in his lap and his fingers in her hair. They ate cold pizza, instant ramen and crunchy popcorn as they blew threw a Disney marathon. All the classics blared through their small living space, they were ten years old again, hidden away from the world, under blankets and pillows and stuffed animals.

It made him feel better and best of all, it kept Namine from crying.

She stirred from her sleep, eyes droopy and sorrowful as she pressed the palm of her hand to his heart, "It hurts doesn't it?" Slowly, she moves her other hand to her own chest, "I can feel it too."

Hayner doesn't cry, not even when he snapped his ankle in half during a skateboarding accident, but on this night, tears roll down his face and plop like raindrops against Namine's cheeks. Her eyelashes flutter in surprise before her own eyes swell with sadness and spill over. She wraps her hands around his waist and he curls in around her—Their bodies shake as sob after sob rips their rib cages apart.

It does hurt.

He's done nothing _but_ hurt.

Namine understands, she always has, always will.

"I know you don't want to hear this but you'll meet someone else." Wiping away Hayner's tears with the corners of her thumbs, Namine beamed up at her brother, "He wasn't the one and that's not a bad thing. It only means your special someone is closer than ever."

Wrapping a hand around Namine's, he smiles and presses his face against the soft skin cupping his cheeks, "You're right. You're always right Nami."

Half of his heart, if not most of it, resides within his sister. Cruel he can't bring her along. Extremely unfair he's forced to say goodbye to the one person who blooms wild like ivy against his veins.

Neither one is fond of separation but Hayner has a dream he must chase after and Namine has plans of her own.

With the promise to stay in contact, Hayner kisses Namine's forehead and watches her slip into her dreams.

Early in the morning, Lea, Sora and Riku had stopped by to say their goodbyes. Lea had tried to gift him a bottle of tequila but Olette had quickly confiscated it and ignored Hayner's whines. Riku and Sora didn't have anything to give but Hayner thought Sora's warm hugs and Riku's words of advice were the perfect gift.

Every person Hayner considered a friend made sure to visit before his grand departure, even Vanitas, who Hayner strongly disliked, popped around to wish him a safe flight…Although, Hayner had the sneaking suspicion the only reason the guy bothered to show up was so he could loudly announce he would also be attending the same university as Hayner.

Of course, Vanitas would try to steal the spotlight…

However, Hayner didn't care, not when his head throbbed and his sternum ached.

He had bigger things to worry about.

Seifer had texted him two days ago…

☆━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━☆

**big stupid seifer || 3:32 a.m.**

I'll be there.

☆━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━☆

Curt and straight to the point but it was enough to stifle Hayner's frazzled nerves.

At the moment, all he wanted to do was turn his back, walk away without sparing a second glance but his feet are glued to the floor.

He waits, he waits and waits...

His friends pretend not to notice.

Hayner waits as long as he possibly can…Up till the last second.

One last time, he hugs his friends, and when they bury their faces in his shoulder, Hayner peeks over theirs in hopes he'll see Seifer walking his way.

Seifer never shows up.

Hayner hides somewhere across the world.

Seifer counts to ten and when he finally decides to go seek Hayner, he can't find him.

**"Ten.."**

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

"It wasn't my fault. I did wait! You never showed up!"

"What good would it have done us!?"

"I don't fucking know! But it wouldn't have killed you to say goodbye you selfish asshole!"

Sinking his nails against Seifer's knuckles, Hayner tries to loosen his grip but Seifer fought through the discomfort and firmly held the struggling man in place, "You don't know that! You don't know how I felt! Watching you walk away was…Devastating."

Hayner scoffs and continues prying Seifer's fingers away from his neck, "Cry me a river and then drown in it!" Vexed, he trashes about before he shouts, "LET GO OF ME!"

The command is obviously ignored, instead, Seifer decides to shift into something more…Comfortable.

Like handcuffs, he locks his hands around Hayner's wrists and before the tip of Hayner's boot is rammed into his crotch, Seifer used his knee to spread two thighs apart.

In puffs, the air in his lungs rushes out, Hayner's eyes widen when Seifer's lips ghost over his cheek. Seifer's mouth flows into a grin and Hayner can feel the sheer ferocity of it against the shell of his ear. Restrains and the inability to move aside, Hayner's soul stirs, his heart leaps and the anticipation nestled in the corner of his chest jumps up— Seifer's heat, his delicious scent, followed by the tiny grunts echoing in his throat every time Hayner squirms and tries to break free— With the way his fingers sink into his skin, he might as well tear him open, he might as well bite him apart…

"It hurt Seifer! For years I did nothing but hurt!" Hayner cries out.

"I know. _**Trust me.**_ I know. I looked for you. A year after you left, I tried following after…" Whispers drip and stain Hayner's ear.

"You're lying!" Hayner snaps his teeth and desperately clings to a string of irrational anger. He can't let go, not yet…Not when all he's known is how to punch and scream, not when all he's known is an overpowering amount of rage and frustration. He's not ready for it to be replaced…

When Seifer weakly chuckles, Hayner wants to burst into glass and slip through the cracks in the pavement.

"I wanted you back, I wanted us—" Seifer bows his head and rubs his face against Hayner's neck. Hayner can feel the stretch of an arrogant smile when his body shivers and shakes in reply, "I wanted us to happen."

He wants to kick himself when his pathetic voice breaks in a squeak, "What…stopped you from finding me?"

Seifer halts, the flutter of his lashes makes Hayner pout, "When I went to ask Namine for your new address she…She looked so upset and embarrassed when she told me you had met someone else...Said you were happy."

"I-"

Hayner's hand moves through the air, Seifer presses it against his mouth and drops small kisses against his fingers. One by one, they meet Seifer's lips and he speaks against them, he speaks around them, "It was too much...I was angry, I hated you, I wanted you gone from my memories so I thought...Fuck him. Except...Shit ain't so simple. It never is when it comes to you."

All sound is cut short, Seifer lets Hayner's wrists fly free and once again, wraps a hand around his throat as he continues, "Who was _I_ to break two sweethearts apart? I missed my chance, right?" With his thumb, Seifer gently turns Hayner's head, "I don't know what **pissed me off** more: The fact you moved on so easily while I was still struggling or the fact I had no one to blame but myself…"

Locked in a stare down, Seifer's eyes hold specks of unruly resentment, pain and uncontrollable desire- The need and the want to devour one another.

In his belly, hunger stabs, stabs, stabs through with an incredible yearning.

Hayner skips his fingers up Seifer's coat, stops only when he can feel a pulse. He could explain himself, he could tell Seifer all about his first and only boyfriend Ventus; innocent little summer boy, with his cheeks so pink and a smile so sweet it could rot teeth to the root.

 _Ventus, Ventus, Ventus_ who carried the weight of the world on his back, who tried too hard and when his spine snapped in half no one blinked an eye.

He smiled too wide, he spoke too softly, he laughed too often, he cared too much and didn't scream enough.

Was Hayner happy?

_Content?_

_Pleased?_

_Satisfied?_

Not at all.

The feeling was mutual.

With a guilty look in his eye, Ventus nervously announced he met someone else. Hayner had laughed and kissed his forehead. Though their relationship didn't make it past the one year mark, Hayner is extremely fond of Ventus and he continued rooting him on even when Vanitas showed up with an arm wrapped around Ven's waist two weeks later. Sure, Vanitas had thrown his head back and barked out a roar of cocky cackles while he casually (very obviously) rubbed in his new relationship, but Hayner wasn't bothered...Because he could see the way Ventus eyes would light up, how his smile grew ten times its regular size anytime one of his stupid jokes made Vanitas laugh and how they both leaned into one another as if they were the only two people alive in a crowded room... 

_Lovebirds..._

Hayner chokes on his drink when Vanitas whispers in Ventus ear, _"Turtledove..."_

And then his admiration turns to anger...He misses the affection, the cheesy nicknames, the rush of blood to his head: He missed Seifer.

Hayner could explain himself, he could tell Seifer all about his first and only boyfriend Ventus and how friendship induced their romantic relationship turned out to be— How quickly Hayner realized where his heart truly rested... But he rather poke at the sleeping bear.

"Ventus…Nice kid. Unlike cowards I'm familiar with, he had the balls to take what he wanted," Hayner lowered his gaze and with it, his fingers moved to trace the outline of Seifer's lips, "He was my first kiss."

Seifer's expression darkened, brows knitting in annoyance and distaste, "Sounds like a shit experience..."

"It was decent."

"I could've done better, we both know it." Seifer confidently claims.  

Lightly, his nails outline pale skin, briefly pausing when he took notice of a new (hardly visible) cut sitting near the corner of Seifer's mouth.

In his chest, a tiny thump beats against the bone— Up close, he can easily find all the differences between eighteen year old Seifer and his twenty-nine year old self…There's new scars, scattered here and there, Hayner can only wonder how and what brought them to life. Freckles and beauty marks, one under his left eye, the other hidden within the facial hair crowning the length his jawline. What throws Hayner off the most is the scar splitting Seifer's right eyebrow in half, though healed, by its depth and size, he can tell it had been a gruesome wound.

Hayner hadn't been there to hold Seifer's head up, he hadn't been there to help him out, keep him afloat or hold his hand when things got rough. 

How many times had Seifer stumbled? How had he picked himself up? Was he ever in need of a friend? When Seifer was too reckless to look after his own health, who had taken care of him? Who had held him down and forced him to sleep? Who had stolen Hayner's spot? Who had stood besides Seifer through his best and worst of times?

~~_It should have been me, no one else._ ~~

Maybe it's destiny? Though he's sure Seifer would say otherwise.

Rage covered and suffocated underneath a blanket of nostalgia, all Hayner is left with is: _I can't walk away, not again, not this time._  

A shame his twenties were spent hurting and missing the memory of a boy with pale blue quarters for eyes. A shame he'd spent his day and nights wondering what Seifer was up to: Had he moved on? Was he married? Did he have kids? Did he ever think of him as much as Hayner thought of him? Was he also stuck in a loop?

He could argue, he could throw a fit and talk about how long and painful the days and night had been, how much he had cried, how damp his pillow became and how the craters in his bed were deep enough to reach the seventh circle of hell...He could scream and scream until it was all laid out before them, he could grill Seifer to the bone, he could punch a hole through his dumb, handsome face...He could bite and rip away until he was thoroughly satisfied, but he can't, he won't, not when every muscle in his body wants to sink and melt into Seifer. 

It might be a mess, it might blow up in their faces, wreck their hearts and snap their heads in half, but he wants to try. He has to try because for the first time in twelve years Hayner feels like he's whole, he's complete, he's reunited with his other half: He's home.

For now, he puts their issues on pause.

Lovingly, Hayner presses his pinkie against the unfamiliar injury while Seifer leans into the touch.

"I missed…so much didn't I?" Crestfallen, the corners of Hayner's eyes burn, "I can't make up for the time we lost."

"Maybe not, but I can catch you up to speed…"

Hayner bumps his nose with Seifer's, "Down to the last detail?"

"Down to the last second, I'll tell you everything."

It wasn't his first kiss, it was much, much better.

When Seifer sinks his mouth against his, Hayner disintegrates. It's a lake of purples and pinks, drooping rivers of mint which shake his body to the core. On his tip-toes, Hayner presses further in, evaporates when Seifer's teeth graze the skin on his bottom lip. Deep, frenzied and bone-shattering kisses, Seifer inhales Hayner's trembles, his breaths and his gasps. Build on it, they reach for more, they take what they missed and claim what was theirs to begin with.

 _Warm, warm, warm_ …It's exactly how Hayner imagined it would be.

Explosions of fireworks, the beating of his frantic heart as it sighs and crumbles, his feet leave the ground all while Seifer holds him together with a strong hand pressed to the small of his back.

There's stars made of diamonds in Hayner's eyes.

The air between them is candy sweet.

Seifer tastes like sugar.

Dizzy and out of breath, Hayner leans his forehead against Seifer's chest, fighting back a bubble of giggles when he can hear Seifer's heart calling his name.

Seifer loops his arms around Hayner, drags him in closer as if they weren't sharing the same body already.

"Took you long enough…" Hayner says through a giddy smile.

"Yeah…Sorry I-"

" _No, no, no_. No more of it," carefully, he drives his fist against Seifer's arm and peeks up at him, "Enough sad shit for tonight."

Seifer beams down, dimples sink into his cheeks when he does so and Hayner…Oh Hayner's face heats up at the sight, "Alright, talk to me."

Hayner opens his mouth to speak and out comes the knitted fist of sunshine, of dazzling light, radiant and bright— Seifer can feel the overwhelming heat bounce off his laugh, and the glow under his skin… _Breathtaking…_

Hayner has questions and Seifer has all the answers.

"Tell me how Snow, Beat and Rhyme are doing. Where do you live now? Why are you still wearing the same stupid beanie? It's been twelve years Almasy! Do Serah and Light still come and visit? What about the scar on your eyebrow? What happened?"

Their conversation drifts into the air…

The little talk will grow into a lifetime spent under the same roof, within the same walls, under shared covers.

Hayner hides.

Seifer counts to ten and when he finds his certain special someone, he gets down on one knee and swears he'll never let go of Hayner again.

**Author's Note:**

> its seifer's birthday and i love himmm! happy birthday beanie babie  
> also! ive had this idea in my head for a long while now, and it was an interesting concept to explore for me since all of my seiner aus are sappy and end with them getting married...  
> i guess this one did too huh!?


End file.
